Teardrops

everyday i stand alone
wondering where i belong to
east west north south
it seem that i'm all alone
this tears in my eyes
begin to dry
but life still
just how i began...

a new beginning

today
is a brand new day
i woke with a smile and walked with a pride
i hoped that this day will remain forever
and i hoped hope will always be with me...

I saw you

I saw you last night
smiling
waving at me
and I was across the road
trying to go to you
You was saying something
but you're so far
and i can't hear anything
and as i came closer
everything just fade away

I saw you last night
smiling
waving at me
and I woke up from this sad dream
crying...

fanfic- Our love story (part 2)

When I woke up, I found my self in an unusual room. Everything was white. The ceiling, the wall, even the curtain that separated me with the bed next to me was white. I tried to sit when suddenly a doctor appeared from behind the curtain, followed by a man whom I don’t recognize.
“I see that you have wake. This gentleman here saved you from being hit when you collapse by the street this morning. We have run tests on you and everything was fine. You body just give up cause by lack of rest and nutrient. A good meal and long sleep will get you on foot in no time,” the female doctor explained what just happened to me. I managed to grasp some of the details she was saying, but my head still in haze. I thank her and watched her smile back at the man before leaving. My life saver stayed and sat on the empty chair by my bed. He too, was smiling. His left hand was in bandage.

“Thank you for saving me…” He just smiled back at me and realized that I was looking at his hand.
“Don’t worry about this. Just a small scratched,” he replied back.
“Sorry…” I can’t find any other word. I tried to pull the tube from my hand. I don’t like hospital. It kept on reminded me to the Nurse Room Seung Hyun send me when I twisted my ankle.
“You want to leave? I help with the procedures,” he left before I can say anything. As I finished struggling with all the tubes, he merged back. He was holding my jacket and handbag, maybe got it back from the nurse station. I wore my jacket while he standing next to me, still with my bag in his hand.
“I have to hold you bag as hostage till I send you safely home,” as he saying that, he held me by my shoulder and lead me out, ignoring me resisting his help. He opened the passenger door for me and showed no sign of giving up to me. As my head still spinning and I have no strength to fight back, I went into the car silently. He closed the door, still holding my bag, went to the driver side.
“Is it ok if I on the radio?” I just nodded my head; after all it was his car.
As the soft song ‘Insa’ by DBSK filled the car, we left the hospital ground.

The unknown man drove slowly, sometime sing along the lyric. Maybe all this heartbreaking events that happening to me have made me crazy. I don’t know how I was so easy believing this man and allowed him to drive me home. I stared him, still wondering if I have known him from anywhere.
“Don’t stare to long or you’ll make a hole in my handsome face,” I can feel my face became hot of embarrassed. He laughed as he said that.
“Excuse me…”
“Yunho, Jung Yunho. And don’t worry, I won’t bite. Miss…?” he glanced at me for a second.
“Kim Eunhye. Thank you for saving me…but you doesn’t have to send me home. You can drop me off at the next bus stop. I can manage to go back by my self,” I tried to be firm with my own words but somehow he managed to read my mind. I don’t know where I am right now.
“Hm…I can’t just simply let you off. My instinct just won’t let me do so. And I promise the doctor to make sure that you eat something before leaving just now. Anything in mind? ” I was so speechless that I just can’t reply in time.
“If not, I know a very good porridge shop. You’re going to love it”.
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I stared the porridge with no intention of eating it. My mind was so blank that I can’t think or respond to any of the recent incident that was happening to. The man that was sitting right in front of me seems concentrate with his meal.
“Are you going to eat or just keep on staring on your food?” I was startle with his sudden question. He looked straight at me and smiled. I tried to smile back, but my face muscle failed to do so. I spooned some of the porridge and force my self to swallow it. Yunho smiled and get back with his meal. That was my first meal since Seung Hyun left me.
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“Don’t forget to rest and eat,” Yunho reminded me as I open the car’s door in front of my house.
“Thank you for today. How can I repay you?” he smiled to my question, and held out his phone.
“I still can’t think of any way for you to repay me. How about we exchange our mail and I’ll mail you later?”

Reluctantly, I gave him my mail address and my personal number and hoping I don’t have to see him any more.
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The accident was a blessing in disguise. Yunho kept on showing up everyday at my front step. At first it was a bit annoying but after a while, his present became part of my routine. His smile somehow managed to ease my heartache. His words of encouragement had led me to start working again. As Yunho always said, color began to show at my face. It was 6 months after Seung Hyun left me and three months since I first met Yunho. Yunho frequent visits helped me a lots but sometime, I felt like Seung Hyun presence, watching me.
************************************************************************
I felt my hand phone vibrate. It was Yunho calling me.
“Yae”
“Hi jagi. What time you’ll be off today?” he asked. Since last month Yunho kept on calling me with Jagiya or Yeobo. Even when I protested, he still called me like that. Finally I just gave up and let him called me that.
“Around 8pm. Why’re you asking?”
“Nothing. Bye yeobo.Miss you”. He ends the call. I stared blankly to the phone, wondering why he called me.
“Your boyfriend called? He’s so sweet. I wished my boyfriend like yours. So caring and affectionate”, my colleague surprised me. I just smiled and put away the phone.
“He just a friend”, I tried to explain to her.
“Well, if he just a friend then he must has crush on you. Better hold tight on him or you’ll lose a good man”. All I can do just smiled back at her. Nobody knew about me Seung Hyun. The only man they saw was Yunho who sometime waited in front of my office building to walk me home. And I never intended to tell about Seung Hyun to them.
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It was raining when I walked out of the building to go back home. Unfortunately for me as I did not bring umbrella from home. I just stand there at the building sideway, tried to avoid from getting the rain when suddenly an umbrella cover me. It was Yunho, as always smiling warmly to me.
“Shall we go now?” As we walked, he put his arm around me and held me closed to him. I can hear his heart beating and it sound so calming. We continue walked under the spring rainy night.
“I like this” he spoke casually as we walked.
“What?”
“This. I really like sharing an umbrella with you. Hold you close to me. I hope I can do this everyday”. We stop walking and I looked at him as he looked back at me.
“Can you let me the one to protect you? I can’t promise you the world, but I can promise you this. I’ll never let you hurt again”. He said as he held my hand. Seeing I was not saying anything, he hugged me and said “You don’t have to say anything yet. Take you time to think. I will always be here, waiting for you”.

To be continue...

fanfic- Our love story

“Let this be our last…” I can’t believe what I just heard.
“But...but wh...why? Please, I...I don’t understand…is it me? if so, I promise I can change”
I don’t even realize since when my face started get wet with my tears.
“I’m tired with all this ‘I’m-Miss-Perfect’ you keep on showing me...and I have someone else”. I stared blankly at his face. Is this a trick? No...this is just a nightmare. When I wake up, everything will be fine. Right?
“Stop calling me anymore. Just forget me”. He left.
“Seung Hyun…” If it just a dream, then why these tears feel real. Why does my heart feel so in pain?

I don’t know how I got home. But, it was a very long and painful night. I kept on recalling that moment. No matter where I looked, I kept on seeing his face. Why? The same question kept on repeating, over and over again. I tossed and turned on my bed, trying to shake the memory, but it kept on coming back. Somehow, I can’t cry anymore after he left me at the café. My mind went blank. Empty. It’s like a part of me has been ripped off.

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Choi Seung Hyun. We have been together since high school. I was a year older then him and just transferred to Hwarang High. I can’t speak any Korean and so I felt so lonely. During the recess, I wandered alone around the school. That’s when I found a nice, quite place at the rooftop of my class building. On the rooftop, looking at the sky, I felt free and calm. I don’t have to think what others think about me.
“Jhogiyo...nuguseyo?”
I was startled when suddenly I heard a voice asking me something I don’t understand.
I jumped on my feet, which somehow failed to support my sudden movement. I tripped and twisted my ankle.
“Ah...” I tried my best held back my tears but my eyes just can’t hold it anymore.
“Gwaenchana?” the voice turn out to be a male student, who rushed to me. He held my ankle, trying to see which part hurt. I just can’t respond as the pain starting to overcome me. I tried to stand but my legs gave up and I fell back.

What happened next was so sudden that I don’t even get to collect my rational. He just lifted me on his back and ran down the stairs towards the Nurse Room. I can felt others staring at us, and my face became red and hot.

“I twisted my ankle,” I told the nurse, at the same time tried my best not to look at the boy. He kept on staring at me as the nurse treated my ankle.
“You...rest...no walk...ok?” Nurse Park smiled at me and turned facing the boy and saying something in Korean before she left to continue her work. I was left alone with him.
“Nurse Park asked me be with you. She calls your parents to take you home. Your feet hurt badly. By the way, I’m Seung Hyun. Choi Seung Hyun. You?”
He held out his hand. I took his hand “Eunhye. Kim Eunhye. You can speak English…”.
“Still ok. Not good. You the new student. Which class? I’m 2-3”
“3-3. I’m a year older than you” He sat next to me, still holding my hand.
“Nice to meet you, Eunhye nuna. We will meet each other a lot”.
He smiled and my heart like stopped beat for a second. We exchange smile, not realize that our hands still held to each other.

Since our first encountered, we became close. We spend time together on the rooftop. I taught him English and he taught me Korean. And without notice, it’s nearly 6 months since we first met. My Korean getting better and I can communicate with my classmates thank to Seung Hyun. And when people asked about our relationship, I kept on saying he just a dongsaeng. Boys in my class started asking me out. I didn’t realize how Seung Hyun hated it. He started to avoid meeting me, and he stop coming to the rooftop. I tried to call him, but he won’t answer. I gotten frustrated and tried to ignore the feeling by agreeing one of the invitations. The news reached him, and he came to my class.

“Nuna, can you meet me at the usual place after school? I have something to tell you”. I wondered what he wanted to say that I forgot I was mad at him. I agree to meet him and cancelled my plan with my classmate. As the time came, he showed up on the rooftop.

“What happened? Why do you avoiding me all this week?’ I tried to get his answer but he kept on standing silently in front of me, just looking at me.
“What’s wrong? Why do you look at me like that?” He shook his head.
“Nuna, I can’t continue to go on like this. It has to be stop?” I stared back at him, confused with his words.
“I don’t want to call you nuna anymore. Cause I love you”. He said that while looking straight into my eyes. I was taken back by his bold words that I lost what I wanted to say. He walked slowly towards me, and took my hand.
“I can’t promise you the world, but I can promise you this. I will use my all to protect you”. He held me so close in his arm that I felt so safe. I looked up, into his deep eyes.
“Yeongwonhi?” he gave me his sweetest smile. “Yeongwonhi”. His face getting closer to mine and slowly, our lips met.
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Everything changed now. It’s nearly three months now and I have to accept the fact that his love no longer belong to me. But just to breath feel so hard. Like a huge rock falls on me and crush everything in my life. I live my each day, wander aimlessly. I neglected my job but I was lucky to have a very supportive employer. I took payless leave and try to find new meaning in life but still he kept on lingering in my mind. I became like a living corpse.

I went out that morning as usual, with no planning what so ever. I walked down the path as usual. I fake my smile, greeting the old lady living next to me. What I don’t know is that something going to happen that day that change my life, drastically.

The traffic was heavy as usual, but that day my mind seem more hazy then usual. Maybe because I thought I saw Seung Hyun the night before. I tried to catch up with him but I lost him in the crowd. And I can’t sleep the whole night. I head suddenly became heavier and I can feel my body falling towards the traffic. And I can felt someone held me and pull me backward.
“Seung Hyun?” that was the only thing come out of my mouth, and everything turn pitch black.

To be continue...